It’s story time. Mentally going into that surgery I was strong as hell. I remember pulling up to the hospital with my wife and dad. Due to COVID only 1 visitor could go into the surgery center. My dad decided this is where he ends and told my wife she should go with me. Being so focus, I shrugged it off. But then checking-in I broke down. I was scared as shit. Panicking, I forgot to give my dad a hug and tell him see you when I wake up. I doubled backed in search of him and gave him the biggest hug I could ever give. Haven’t gave him that type of hug since he surprised us by coming home early from his 1 year tour from Kuwait. Then he told me he loved me and of course I just let it all out. And he looked me in my eyes, “you are a White. No task is too tough. You got this! Stay strong!” Fast forward, first three days was tough as hell. During surgery my surgical team performed a HIPEC. Basically they heated my body up and placed the chemo directly on my stomach. I never been so stuck in the dark place for what seemed an eternity. I was hooked up with IV’s and tubes from all over. Had an IV directly in my neck, straight to the heart. First three days was so damn hard and depressing. I barely remember the first few days because of all the pain killers I was on. I know I checked in with family and friends, but definitely don’t remember the conversations. What I do remember, day 3 late at night. Scared, alone and have officially hit rock bottom. I never felt so much void in my entire life. I felt stuck and filled with so many deep dark emotions. I closed my eyes and just prayed so hard to God. At this moment I thought it was time for me to cross over. Not going to lie. I thought I was going to die in that hospital bed. I just didn’t want to fight this battle anymore. All the chemo, and future chemo sessions I had left, just wanted to give up. I told God at that very moment, I surrender myself completely to you. Whatever plans you have for me, whether you take me now or not. I am at your mercy, I surrender myself. And I ended it with the Lord’s Prayer. About 5 minutes later, my guardian angel, Miss Monica (technician) came in to check on me. I will never forget her or that moment. She saw me down and out and got me out that bed and we went on a long walk and just talked. She shared her story with me (breast cancer survivor) and she read me Isiah 41:10 - Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. I realized, God sent me a sign. You have a bigger purpose in life. And the most beautiful thing is, God allowed me to start over. To get a second chance at life. Forever grateful for this next chapter. I’m still figuring things out and unsure of what is to come. But I’m here, alive, cancer free, and more in love with life than ever before.